Tuesday, June 5, 2007

A Hairscratcher--for many reasons...

Florida Gator head basketball coach Billy Donovan, fresh off two national championships, recently made a life-changing decision. He chose to go to the next level (the NBA for those who don't know about useless sports jargon.) But then he got tired of making up his mind for good.

Because what happened next shocked the sports world. Sure, he went to a conference in Orlando, where he accepted the job and signed a $27.5 million contract to coach the Magic. He was given a standing ovation. I believe they even offered him a bag of peanuts on the flight over.

There was love in the air. Perhaps undergarments of both sexes were tossed haphazardly into the brilliant sky...

Then--he changed his mind again as if this all were a game of Parcheesi. (Well, the 'cheesi' part is right, I must say.)

He went back to Gainesville to tell his fans how he'd always remember them, how the University of Florida is the greatest thing since moldy cheese. And with no more than that spoken, he reasoned he couldn't leave moldy cheese-land. Because he himself made it into what it is. He lifted it from the depths and cultivated a land of reason where fans didn't have to dip nachos in stuff that looks and tastes like it came from between my father's feet.

Basically, he noticed how he loved Florida, how they cried for him, how he never really wanted to leave and how the Orlando Magic conned (editor's note: 'conned' is for emphasis only, they didn't really.) him into being there.

So now Donovan (appropriately or inappropriately nicknamed Eddie Munster, depending on your favorite team, of course) is trying to get back to the University of Florida. I guess I hope he does. Death to moldy cheese...

As an LSU fan, I have no opinion on this. Florida will kick our ass anyway because we dribble the ball off our feet. (It takes real talent for a whole team to do that...)

But the following from an ESPN article, I believe, is the funniest thing of it all:

According to the source, Donovan said (to 'high-ranking' team officials) {editor's note: who is this? the ballboy?}, "I'm so sorry this happened. I meant no harm. My heart is in Florida."

I have to believe someone mangled this quote. Because I won't believe a guy who can be so successful in basketball could be so obtuse in geography, especially when it's a city next door, especially when he just came from Orlando and was treated as the Second Coming.

Actually I could believe it.

Maybe he wanted to go back to Gainesville because he was afraid of leaving the state. I should think, then, that the University of Florida should be afraid to take him back because he incorrectly thinks he left the state.

It was just a couple of miles down the road, Billy.

Of course, this could be a misquote by the reporter, who mistakenly put 'in' instead of 'at.' If that's the case, then it's even more embarrassing.

Read the article: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2892797

Story to picture: Art, You complete me!

All that's missing is a map of Florida.

(Sorry Billy, the jabs are purely for fun. I give you permission to beat the Tigers again. Maybe that way we can get a new coach.)


sarasel said...

Yeah, I saw that "in Florida" quote before we ever talked about this and I thought the same thing. Thanks for pointing that out! It's pretty funny either way, but it probably was just that Dono misspoke, don't you think?

John said...

Yeah, I'm sure he just misspoke, but it's fun to pretend otherwise.

JSC said...


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